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  • Aileen McKernan

Finding Home

An Offering

You are a room without end

An always present friend

Ever inviting me to come into more of you

Your goodness the perpetual light

That guides through the stormy nights

Until I awake again

Forever in your embrace

I am in the middle of a move. Again. Boxes half unpacked, dishes half unwrapped, piles of my belongings stacked all over the place, instead of finding one more thing its new home, I sat down in the midst of the mess, struck by inspiration earlier on a food run because preparing anything in this cacophony of change is downright dangerous.

For some strange reason the past four years I’ve been living in a perpetual transition. Quitting the most stable best paying job I’ve ever head to uproot my life for NYC, another degree, a career change only to be derailed mid move, burning through savings on a six month sabbatical because I didn’t have peace going back to work, breaking up with a boyfriend I believed I was going to marry, moving in and out and in and out of a friend’s, starting and stopping as many jobs as I had in the previous four year period, starting and reshaping a business, leaving my church two times, seeking the Lord every step of the way, finding myself, and most importantly… …I’ll get to that in a second.

The past few years have been dizzying and darn right difficult. With a proclivity for anxiety, I like structure, clear expectations, direction, order, and control. Like the blankets cocooned around me on a chilly night I like to be wrapped in steady routine and ritual. Transition is not for me. I’m a homebody. Yes, I’m adventurous, a world traveler, game for exploring, learning, trying, and doing new things, but I operate best from a stable home base. Anyone who knows me well, knows I love to have a beautiful home and to open it up for friends and family and really anyone who wants to come to experience the joy, peace, comfort, and rest that comes from being in a welcoming and relaxing space.

I realized as I was driving back to my new digs earlier with the about fastest food I’ll put in my body (Chipotle), that despite the waves on the surface of my life, there has been something incredible happening in the deep. That despite the madness, the chaos, the constant transition, I’ve been held, anchored, and actually rooted deeper into the steady story line of God’s Love for me. Without it I would have been ship wrecked four years ago, but with it, with Him – with me, I have for all intents and purposes been making my home, like a bird in a nest, in Him despite the superficial albeit rough waves. And not only that! But every step along the way, every twist, every turn, every unmet expectation and puzzling dead-end, rather than being led to a standstill, He’s led me not just deeper into His Love for me, but actually deeper into Himself!

Let me explain how this revelation came about. I wasn’t chewing on my food yet, but I was chewing on the fact that this new move coincides with my exact 10 year anniversary to moving to Charlottesville. There seems to be something significant about this new move. I sense that it truly is a new beginning, and I got to thinking about how when I first moved to Charlottesville, I would drive around town. Every time I took a drive, I discovered new neighborhoods, new restaurants, and new places to explore. It was so novel and so exhilarating and as the years have unfolded it is something that has continued. For instance, just last year I discovered Ragged Mountain Reservoir and it revolutionized my paddleboard life! For such a small city it is a wonder!

As I reminisced about discovering the depth of Charlottesville, I saw the clear connection between my current move and new beginning – that it paralleled what’s been going on in the deep of my life. Rather than being able to make a home in the temporal, the job, the pay, the benefits, the relationship, friendships, church, career, calling rather than have my identity be comfy and cozy and defined, in the midst of the chaos, every twist, every turn, I was led deeper into something more sure, secure, and stable, my identity as God’s beloved. It is the story line that is ever unfolding all the more.

Instantly I understood John 14:2-6

In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.

His house, like Charlottesville, like my story line, is a home. And not just a home, but a home without end, a Home that within are many mansions. There is something greater in magnitude about going deeper into His, who’s? the Father’s house! The Father’s house is built on a sure steady foundation. It is the foundation of His Love, His Son, Jesus Christ. He laid down the cornerstone in Christ for us. His death and resurrection is the perpetual steady, the constant rock, the anchor point of this Home, but it’s depth, it’s height, it’s width is limitless, unsearchable (Ephesians 3:14-21).

It gives me great hope moving forward that whatever may come, that I can continue to make my home, abide, rest, go deeper, knowing whether it is difficult or whether there is some ease and stability to come, that I have the comfort, peace, and rest despite myself at times, of being at Home in God’s Love, at Home in Him and that there is only more of the love story to explore!

He is the most beautiful home you can ever imagine, and He has a welcome mat laid out for you too!

For Further Thought:

  • Draw a picture of how you perceive, see, imagine God’s house.

  • What does this picture show you about what you believe about God?

  • Now imagine yourself in the picture of God’s house.

  • Where are you, what are you doing?

  • Is God there, where is He? What is He doing?

  • Are you content with what you are seeing? thinking? feeling? believing about yours and God's relationship?

If you are having difficulty knowing or believing that God Loves you or that there is good despite change and transition going on in your life, please contact me. As a health coach, I can prayerfully help you identify areas of stress in your life and facilitate you discovering resources to navigate through it.

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